I wannas sexs uuuuu
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
