Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
