Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
