she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
