I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
