youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
