just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
