Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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