Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
