Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
