sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
