she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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