Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
