Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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