Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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