tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
