I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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