Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
