Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
