There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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