Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
