remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
