Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
