I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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