the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
We are two peas in an std pod
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
