3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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