You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Randomize
