my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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