You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
