took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
