I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
