Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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