if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
bring money and cleavage
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
