I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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