Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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