Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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