dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
