My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
