she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
there is glitter all over my balls
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