Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
My boob is missing a layer of skin
sex in a hospital.. check
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
