I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
