I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
