Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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