drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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