So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
