the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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