come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize