I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
