Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
