Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
