bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
